Posts Tagged ‘dealing with teenagers’
Being a parent always has its challenges and rewards especially when you have a teenage girl. There are a lot of pressure from people around them coupled with their raging hormones and the struggle to find a place in society. That is why it is important for parents to always be there for our teenage kids.
Recently, I had a chance to bond and share my hip and trendy beauty regimen with my teenage daughter. She attended her first prom night last weekend. We all know that for any girl, attending a prom is a milestone in our lives.
The preparation started a month before by choosing her gown, the next week would be the shoes and then I had to have her accessory customized for her gown.
The days before were dedicated to beauty preparation such having her nails done, waxing, threading, etc. And of course, the day itself has to be for the hair and make up. Oh my! My husband could only sigh at the preparation for this event.
Well, it was worth it. My daughter enjoyed the night. I feel so good to be able to be with her during the momentous occasion in her life. I know that this will have a significant and lasting effect on her. Even the smallest things count when it comes to spending time with our children, such as being there during their performances, going with them to buy their kikay stuff such bags, shoes, and even lingerie. Just to hear to your child say “Thank you!” is the most rewarding experience of all. Nothing beats that!
“Kids go where there is excitement. They stay where there is love.” - Zig Ziglar
It’s been awhile since I have had that “kilig” feeling. And it’s nice to see my teenage daughter share her “kilig moments” with me. Well, I am not suppose to go into the details to respect her privacy, I am just glad to see my daughter opening up to me. Even hubby was surprised to know that my daughter even shares here SMS messages to me. LOL!
I was once there (We all are, aren’t we?) and I know how that shivers get into your spine and you just want to shout out and tell the world. As for me, I only had my friends to share it with — since Mom was kinda strict. That is the very reason why I made it a point to open the communication lines between me and my daughter.
I read this in Twitter today from an anonymous source:
“To be old & wise, you must first have to be young & stupid.”
Which is quite true, you need to be able to explore all the emotions in these world for you to have the wisdom to discern. To love like you’ll never be hurt is the way to live your life. One should not close their doors to any emotions just because they are afraid of being hurt. Emotions are merely the mental state which arises from spontaneity. It is not a conscious effort therefore we can control it. Not to say, that we should welcome sadness or grief into our lives, but we need to accept that it is a part of our lives.
Going back to my teenager, time and again, I am reminded that soon she will spread her wings. It’s seems like yesterday when she requested me to have “Disney Princess” for her pillow and bed sheets, or have that neon stars on the ceiling so she could see them when she sleeps, or even have her choice of kids switch plate covers for her bedroom lights. Time really flies so fast.
***kilig - is that shivery, fuzzy feeling that you get whenever you are infatuated.
Raising a teenager can pose a lot of challenges especially if you have a girl. Aside from the rigors of their academic life there are other things to consider such as peer pressure and extra-curricular activities, you have to deal with their hormonal changes. The feeling that “No one understands me” is the last thing I want my daughter to feel. That is why I keep my communications open. However for some reason, they have this tendency to lock themselves up.
Everyone knows that there is no black and white rules in raising a teenager yet I know most parents would agree with me that it requires a lot of patience, persistence and determination. It can be a struggle but rewarding at the same time.
There are things that we, parents have to bear mind as we raise our teenagers. We should know these things, we’ve been there, right?
- Keep your communication lines open – I believe this is the most important thing in any relationship. Even though we feel that they are still too young to discuss these things such as dating, puppy love, etc. Whatever you do, do not put a barrier. Sometimes, we are guilty of this. Once our daughter starts talking about a crush, we immediately block them and say…“You’re not suppose to be talking about that, you’re still too young!” Try not to be a spoiler. There are many ways to send your message, just let them finish first. Make an effort to be enthusiastic about their story, ask questions and then you inject your point.
What we don’t want our teenagers to feel is that nobody wants to listen and understand them. This will leave them feeling angry and confused. They will try to find the company of friends and acquaintances whom they feel understands them. Soon, you’ll find that they want to be with them than your family.
- Setting the Rules – The rules in the house should have been set long before, while they were growing up. This way you only have to remind them that even if they are teenagers still need to abide by the rules. I add up by saying that older siblings should be a role model. A little responsibility wouldn’t hurt.
- Privileges and Responsibility – Since they are old enough for some privileges, let them have it. Give them some leeway however remind them what Uncle Ben (Spider Man) said, “With great power comes great responsibilities.” If they want to go malling with friends, let them be. Teenagers are in the process of finding their own identity, their spot in this universe. As long as they know their limitations and you know the friends that they hang out with, that’s fine.
- Talk about your fears – Do not be afraid to talk about your fears. It gives our children the proper perspective when they understand the “WHY?” Why are you not letting them go to an “open party” or go clubbing with friends? Discuss the dangers.
With my daughter, I didn’t feel the need to tell her not to drink when in a party. Huwaaat??? That would be the baffled reaction of my female friends. My reason — she will drink even if I told her not to. However, I have rules when it comes to drinking.
- Don’t drink anything that is given to you.
- Don’t leave your drink unattended, and if you should, don’t drink it again.
- Drink in moderation.
The first two rules have a very good reason. We are trying to avoid “spiked drinks”. You know what happens when you gulp up a spiked drink.
Dealing with the different concerns of adolescence can leave all parties feeling exhausted. Understand that this is the most difficult years of growing up, families should work together to recognize the needs of of each family member in order to be successful at helping their children in their development. As parents, keep your end goal in mind — we are raising a responsible, God-fearing individual that will soon be a contributor to our society.
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